It's a mind-field...

Hello everyone,

By now you have probably all got a gist of what this blog is about, if not head over to the about page in the top right hand corner for a little brief description!

Now I want to expand on the story... hence the blog post.

I will start from the beginning...

One hot summers day after a trip of a lifetime... Haha sorry I'm joking...

Right, ok i'll be serious now...

I had just returned from a university trip to Sri Lanka when I realised something wasn't right, I had an extremely bloated upper abdomen, and had been feeling what felt like gas movements through my intestines. I booked a drs appointment just to get checked over and give myself a piece of mind that I wasn't going insane! - I am a worrier for those of you who don't know me. and instantly think the worst of any situation!!

In my appointment, my Dr kindly reminded me that I was rather bloated - DUH (as if I didn't know myself, those topshop jeans weren't this tight before!!) He checked my stomach over, pressing down like he was kneading dough, he even listened with a stethoscope, but to my surprise he just prescribed me gastro tablets (peppermint oil), and told me to return in 3 weeks to have a check up, but in the mean time to have some bloods taken and provide a urine sample. I had 4 viles of blood taken and a urine sample, I then received a phone call 3 days later asking me to come in for another blood test - Fine.

Returned for said blood test - I had no idea what it was for, and heard nothing back, so I returned 3 weeks later for my "check-up"... (This is where it gets interesting)

I sat down ready for him to tell me my fate... and out come the words "all your tests have come back positive for pregnancy" Sorry What, OMG, Ummmm, Right.

The only words I could string together were to ask if they knew how far along I was, but unfortunately I had to wait for that information from a midwife.

I got in my car, drove home, entered my house, sat down in the living room where my mum was and burst into tears, I couldn't believe what I had been told. I felt ashamed, embarrassed and scared of what my families reaction was going to be, were they going to think i'd ruined my life being pregnant at 23? am I the shame of the family? how am I going to look after a tiny person when I can barely look after myself?

Overwhelmed with emotion fear and worry, I actually had nothing to worry about, my family were the most supportive people I could have ever dreamed of.

Midwife appointment time, and I asked for her to see if she could figure out how many weeks pregnant I actually was... laid on the bed for her to inspect, poke and rummage around.

"you don't look pregnant" ...NOOO I don't feel it either hun.

And then out come the words...

"oh I expect you to be around 28-30 weeks....."

HOLY MOTHER OF NOODLES I was not prepared for those words.

This now meant I became pregnant around September time....Oh no...no please no. It suddenly dawned on me it was in-fact my ex's baby, (I am now with a new partner and have been since the beginning of December)... oh dear. oh dear oh dear. - Cry with me girls because I did for a while after.

No girl wants to be put in this situation, no-one wants to dig up their past and get back in touch with an ex - especially when you are with someone new. I mean girls you understand Ex's are ex's for a reason - right? Never mind having to tell them you are pregnant!

For me this is where all my stress and anxiety started, as my current relationship happened to still be in the honeymoon period and the first guy I've thought was "the one" and the one i'd spend the rest of my life with. - Well looks like my life had a different idea.

Im not going to delve right into all the details because a) both males involved will probably be reading this - Hi, yeah I see you! and b) somethings don't need to be shared with the world.

However, what I do want to do is try and give some advice for people to read, if they happen to be in the same situation.

1) Be truthful to both parties, don't sugar coat the information as honesty is the best policy

2) You can not make people stay in your life if they don't want to be a part of it, if they want to stay - amazing (and you've probably found a keeper) if they don't, as hard as it may be you will have to let go!

3) If the ex wants to be a part of baby's life, you can not stop it from happening (unless you have a strong valid reason) I spent many of my days crying my eyes out thinking, I don't want him in my life, I don't want him to be a part of this, however it's not necessarily about you, you have to think what is best for your child in the long run.

4) Give people time to get their heads around the situation, us humans needs processing time, for some it might be a few days but for others it can take weeks maybe even months, allow for this time and don't pressure people into making a decision - as you may push them further away!

5) Take time for yourself!!!! this is something I didn't do, I was so caught up in trying to keep my life together, I forgot to take time for myself and enjoy what was happening or about to happen! You need processing time to, think about yourself and put yourself first instead of other people - we don't need to be stressing out the baba!

6) LAY DOWN THE LAW PEOPLE. If baby's dad wants to be involved - fair enough, but lay down rules, support systems, contact, whatever it may be. it is YOUR decision, YOU are the prime carer for this baby and its completely YOUR decision. (If they don't agree, i suggest looking online for your legal rights as a single mother - there is loads - good ol' google!)

I have been lucky enough for my partner to stick by me and be on the journey with me, and I will be forever grateful to him for taking on this responsibility and everything he does for myself and Maya!

You might not be as lucky, but don't think of it as the end of the world - it may feel like it, but you will heal, you will get past it, enjoy your moments with your baby because they do not stay small and precious forever, you have a whole new level of love about to hit you that you might not realise!

So my advice to you ladies - and gents? maybe? is Keep going, you are doing amazingly and you can deal with these things. No its not ideal, no it might not be how you pictured starting your first family, but its ok to have a cry, cry to your hearts content, let it all go!

Just know it will all work out in the end!

Elle xox

the over stresser!

*I am not a health care professional, counsellor or an expert, these are my personal experiences and how I felt with things, or how I wish i'd dealt with things, these bits of advice may not be right for you!!!*